I Knew This Day Would Come!
Stories of a goddess journeying.
I have been dreaming of this day, seemingly as I recapitulate, my entire life! There has been a storm brewing inside of me since the day I was conceived (thanks Momma and Pop!) There are so many times when I thought the mountain might be too high and the waters too deep to cross.
I don’t feel that way any longer.
It’s not that I don’t still feel the weight of the world sometimes and it is not that I don’t have anymore truly challenging and daunting daze.
What’s important is that I found a balance that brought me to where I am now. A place where I can be me with no excuses, no apologies of who I am, and truly, for the most part, have always been.
This space I have created is all about me and the lessons I have learned. This place is a platform for my continuing journey. I will always be a student. I revel in this fact.
I Never Gave Up!
I never called it quits on anything but, that of which was not serving me. Every time I said “can’t” I had a family, friends, other gods, and goddesses…I call them all my “Tribe” at my back.
They, at every turn, believed in me, in no uncertain terms, at times (too many times), way more than I believed in myself!
It’s because of my tenacious will and this strong tribe of “Do-gooders” that you are reading these words today. Give great thanks for those “Do-Gooders” in your life my friends.
They will make you laugh it out, sing it out, cry…wale it out! They will make you shout it out, chant it out and if you have the tribe I do….they will make you dance it out alongside them!
I used to teach kids gymnastics. I had a motto that was passed down to me to use when I heard a youngin’ utter any version of “but, I cannn’t.” I would rally the rest of the class with “Ohhh, someone just said the “C” word!” Then I would muster my best boisterous, yet sincere, preacher voice and let this rip: “What’s our motto team?!” My class would respond with….
*Insert extremely dramatic hand gestures and random jumps and body contortions by my tiny team and myself here*
“I cannn, I willlllllll, I belieeeeeeve!”
This, most times, was repeated 3 times for effect or, until riotous laughter ensued.
3 seemed to be the magic number for the member of the team to be all smiles.
Maybe, more importantly for this conversation’s purposes. it often was a long time team member who needed to be reminded of their worth and, to be reminded that we are all connected, even in our beautiful individuality that may need a little push along with an injection of hilarity sometimes.
We are all a part of this gorgeous web of life.
I am at a loss to express to you enough how this lesson has saved me with smiles during my life since then.
I Never Knew What I Really Wanted!?
Some people know from a young age exactly what it is they wanted to achieve. I now have more definitive answers to what I really want/desire. It took a long time to get here.
I cannot stress that fact enough.
I always had somewhat abstract visions in mind. Mostly abstract to others of what it was I truly wanted. What I had was a feeling that I could not seem to put into words.
I remember, when I believe I was in my second semester of college (at age 36) a dear friend, in the midst of a rather heated conversation, asked: “What are you even in college for?!”
Honestly, it was a pretty valid question. I mean, I was there to prove to myself that I could do something I never thought I could do.
I wanted to obtain my fitness specialist certification (which I did do) but, what I was going to do with that was a subject that left eternal questions in my mind. It made my brain hurt in reality.
So, I stopped stressing about it and just went on learning. Then, it dawned on me one day that I just wanted to study what I was interested in, period, I didn’t have an end game.
In fact, when it came to “formal” education I was/still am a complete novice.
I walked into a meeting one day with a counselor in the DSPS (a students with learning disabilities program) and left with the knowledge that I had a dual major I was unaware of until that day.
Apparently, I was closer to a Spanish degree than I was to an exercise science degree. I said to myself “Self!, you care about that Spanish degree way more than an exercise degree don’t you?” Myself answered, “Yep, I have to admit I do indeed.”
I Stopped Beating Myself Up!
Luckily, I had a pretty spectacular life coach at the time. I think the most valuable lesson I learned from her was to not beat myself up about stuff.
Checking myself daily for any shite talk I might let slip is a must.
I have always had an extensive amount of patience with others but, when it came to me I had a very short tolerance for my faults. Now, I make decisions based on my heart’s desire.
I say this because I used to feel a bit of a shadow cast on me from my traditionally successful friends and family.
The self-deprecating thoughts were not (thank you Captain Obvious) helping my cause.
When I look back on the way I used to feel I’m just grateful I still kept my general bright outlook on things or, I would have dragged myself down to a super dark place.
I took everything awesome from the people I admire and, are inspired by, and implemented the lessons I learned from them in my own way and in my own sweet time.
Now, I Know What I Want!
There are a few things that stood out to me in my 42 years on planet earth.
- I want to keep fulfilling my deep desire to travel.
- I want to keep learning and immersing myself in other cultures other than my own.
- I want to continue writing about my experiences old and new and keep this interactive platform for sharing it all alive and well.
- I want to share the reverential way I will to edify the mentors/family/friends you read about above, the people I consider my tribe!
- I want to be forever a student!
- I want to succeed at levitation, in the physical sense and, I also wanted to see if you were still paying attention ; )
- There is no guarantee of tomorrow so I strive to enjoy something immensely every single day. I want everyone to find that special joy every day as well <3
- An integral part of me is helping other people in any way I can. In fact, I’ve made helping others my business. I always want this brand of love in my life!